Update!

Hello everybody!
first of all I would like to say No I am not dead!!

life has been CRAZY lately. and by crazy I mean "an emotional roller coaster that seems to have only been going downhill for a long time"
January was easily the hardest time of my life. I was depressed and stressed out for a very long time. I had lost two of the most important people in my life right around the same time... there were days where I would cry so hard my bones would start to shake and I could hardly breathe. I had the world in my hands and then it slipped through the cracks in my fingertips. pretty soon it got to the point where I didn't have anything. I had lost everything that was important to me. I had lost my happiness. and it broke my heart to say that but it's the truth.

a broken heart is nothing to play with. it is the kind of pain that there's no medicine for. and a broken heart isn't just emotional pain. it's physical pain. like it physically hurts in your chest and there's nothing you can do about it.
there is no rulebook for this kind of stuff either. you just learn as you go. so sometimes it takes a little "ice cream at midnight" type of days. and some days you might want to listen to that song you had sworn your ears would never hear again. sometimes it's okay to not be okay.

I'm very proud to say that I indeed survived the darkest time of my life.
and now life may not be perfect but it is definitely better than it was. and it may also be worse than it once was but I know that I have more of those types of days waiting for me in the future.

so yeah. that's life for ya